On being "enough"
"For women, shame is 'Do it all, do it perfectly, and never let them see you sweat.' "
I heard this on one of Brene Brown's TED talks recently & holy fuck did this hit me hard.
I always hated (and I still do) when people told me to "relax" or "chill out" because I felt ashamed that I seemed stressed out by the challenge.
Seriously that quote makes me nauseous because it means we find shame was in the struggle. Not even in FAILURE, but in the fact that we were challenged in the first place. How messed up is that?
& it got me thinking a lot about what it means to feel like we're "enough".
I think most of the time (speaking for myself anyways) we default to others for that confirmation- someone validating our idea, someone we look up to believing in us or by achieving a goal we'd set for ourselves. The thought is "if they think I'm enough, then I am" or "if I can do this, then that'll prove I'm enough"
But then what? There's always going to be another challenge, another moment we need that confirmation. And it got me thinking, what exactly are we looking to be "enough" for?
This is turning into an incoherent stream of thoughts but I guess my point is that maybe instead of asking ourselves whether we're "enough" which inevitably makes us ashamed of the struggle, we just ask ourselves whether we're willing to struggle.
That instead of trying to be "enough" to achieve something or "enough" for someone, we just accept that we're enough to walk into this head on & struggle. And to find joy in that struggle too because let's be real, the struggle is the whole reason we're doing all this. What fun would it be if we just got what we wanted?
I'm still wrestling with that concept of feeling like we're "enough" so if anyone's got some good insights there, send it my way